One Disastrous Visit:/

I think I forgot to write about my disastrous visit to a private school and how diabetes interfered to make it so problematic!

So, this visit took place in early November last year and it was for me to sit a couple of exams, give a presentation and have an interview for a scholarship to attend the sixth form. I was going there with absolutely no teachers from my school (so I had no backup for my diabetes, although my mum was on the end of the phone – but about 20 miles away), the visitees were completely responsible for us. 

Towards the end of the 20 minute bus journey (owned by the school I was going to) my pump went onto smartguard. I tested and I was 3.3. Not a good start, but hey ho. I could deal with just the one hypo. I had Lucozade and decided to retest when I got off the bus even thigh that wasn’t the full 15 minutes.

When I retested I was 3.6. I thought – Excellent! I’m on my way up. We were told that we were going straight on a tour of the school and sixth form areas, which was spread over a really large amount of land for a school. So, I had another hypo treatment of lucosade to be on the safe side.

I was really wary of the fact I was on my own with no back up at that point, so I hoped it would be an easy hypo to sort out. No such luck. You should also know that I’m one of those people who hates to interrupt anything for my own needs, even if it is a genuine (occasionally severe) medial issue.

I tested 10 minutes later only a part of the way into the tour.

2.5.

I stared at it and panicked.

So, I had more lucosade and realised I would never be able to finish the tour without potentially collapsing. I excused myself out of the building and called my mum. Thankfully she realised I wasn’t thinking straight and was really in a bad state and in a sticky situation. She called the school and told the on-site nurses to find me urgently, telling them where I had been when I had called her.

I didn’t take my mum’s advice of staying put, telling the tour guide this (in my mind at that moment) was a more mortifying prospect than collapsing.

After a few short minutes, in a different building, the nurse found me and I had risen at that point thankfully. We walked back to the medial centre and I was there for almost an hour. My mum joined me, after rushing over with more hypo treatment.

The rest of the day was completely messed up by this hypo disaster. I had to take my scholarship exam in the afternoon (which turned out to be a blessing because in my presentation/interview they realised I should take the maths exam and not the science one! So maybe the hypo was a blessing in disguise?!), I had a separate sixth former for lunch and my mum spent the day in the village surrounding the school.

It was certainly an eventful day. And even after all of that drama, they offered me the scholarship! Not an ideal situation but if I hadn’t have had that hypo I would have taken the science exam before the presentation and I would have failed it miserably. So, lucky me, I guess!

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Who am I?

Right now, I would really appreciate the ability to mind read. I find it so frustrating that I don’t know what other people think of me and who I am as a person to them.  Because, sometimes, I actually don’t know myself.

I would love to say that I am one of those people who doesn’t give a damn about what people think of me, but I do care. I care a lot. It’s not the fact that I want to follow the latest trends and use the newest slang terms or coat myself in make up to look a certain way because I don’t! I have my own style etc. It’s just, I don’t want people to not like me or see a negative personality trait in me or something. (I do know that nobody is perfect, but still…)

I often think that I am only “the diabetic” to most of my peers. With no depth to me. I presume that people don’t see the clothes I wear, hear my opinions properly or identify me by my actions. I presume that they see my test kit and blood sugars, hear my insulin pump and identify me by my low/high episodes. I guess will never really know if that is true, but I suspect it certainly is the case with people who don’t know me very well.

I feel like every single part of me is founded in medicine. And I don’t like that. My blog is diabetic-based and my twitter is diabetic-based. I volunteer, do school work and present at conferences to try and get into medicine. So, who am I without all the medical and the diabetes? I don’t know. 

I think this perception of me to my peers and my worries about it is because of how prominent it is in my everyday life. I’m very vocal about my diabetes, often thinking out loud when I’m monitoring or treating blood sugars. Or sometimes bringing up the issues surrounding my diabetes in unrelated conversations, for instance, having a chat about alcohol and then linking it to low blood sugars. I also don’t hide my test kit or insulin pump because I feel that having my condition out in the open is easier for me and my friends get used to it very quickly that way. 

However, I always worry about the fact that I push my diabetes onto other people and I worry that I’m too attention-seeking. So, it is comforting when my friends ask me a question or peer over my shoulder at my blood sugar because it shows that they are interested and I’m not boring them with it everyday!

(I say all this, moaning, but actually I do want to become a doctor. So, I’ve chosen a profession in even more medical stuff, which goes against everything I’ve just said…)

So, what I’m doing is trying out new hobbies. I feel like if I do something completely for myself that is relaxing and enjoyable at the same time as being a challenge. It will be down time from working and it will help me build another part of my personality. I used to read all the time, so I’m probably going to do that along side whatever hobby I find fun! So… I love music (especially singing) and I love writing. I’ve decided to have a go at continuing playing guitar or keyboard, maybe attempt to write a fiction book (I know, mad and unrealistic – but fun!) or combine them and songwrite? I have a lot of time on my hands in the next half term holidays so I will be trying my hand at a little baking (I’m thinking banana and chocolate muffins or sausage rolls). I toyed with the idea of photography but went off that very quickly. I also thought about something sporty as I’d like to do a little more exercise so that is a possibility too.

I’m going to try everything