Self conscious-ness:/

Type 1 diabetes is a hell of a big part of me. It always has been. And yet recently I keep on feeling like I talk about it too much. I probably bore my friends with all the T1D lingo, I feel awkward when I get out my test kit. I still do all my treatment and that, but I’m not as relaxed when I do it anymore. I’m so conscious of it now. And I have no idea why!

I am usually confident, and couldn’t care less who I was with when dealing with any diabetes related activity. I’ve been through blips similar to this before. But normally there is a trigger, like a conversation about it, or meeting another type 1 in non-diabetes related circumstances, but I can’t think of a trigger this time.

I will carry on and test, bolus etc. I’m not silly. I know the consequences of not doing it, but I wish the feelings of normality would return.

I’ve started talking with a year 7, in my form group, she’s lovely. (I’m year 11).  But wandering around with her at break, I felt awkward answering my pump beeping. I want her to see me as Jess, a year 11 girl she can talk to. Not Jess, a year 11 girl she can talk to who is also diabetic. I always wonder about this type thing in relation to my friends.

Do they see me as ‘the diabetic girl’? I sincerely hope not because that would mean I had no other characteristics in their eyes. I guess I will never know. But hopefully by talking about being diabetic less will not make it such a prominent feature of mine, although it is definitively a part of me – I can’t deny that.

I guess I’ll just go with the flow, not really talk about diabetes unless I’m asked and treat my diabetes as I would normally.

Fictional Diabetes

Recently, I’ve not been able to stop reading. Literally. Every waking hour that I can, my eyes are glued to a book, or my reading apps on my phone. I’m truly addicted.

You’re probably wondering what on earth this has to do with diabetes. Well, put simply, it doesn’t. And that’s the issue with it! I’ve never found a book, (I read teen and young adult fiction) that has even a single character with diabetes. I’ve read books containing characters with ADHD, dylexia, asthma, cancer and plenty of characters in wheelchairs for various reasons. But no one with diabetes – any type!

I’m only a little miffed, because to be fair it would probably be a difficult condition to write into a story line accurately. But, the fact that diabetes is barely mentioned in fiction books most likely adds to the ignorance and misconceptions surrounding diabetes. I would write a book with the main character as a diabetic, type 1, if I could. But I don’t have the skills set nor the time to do this, so I hope that one day a proper author tries!

Imagine a sci-fi thriller, with the male lead being awesome shooting guns and fighting villains. Imagine him beginning to get injured and yelling “Help! I’m starting to struggle here!” Imagine him turning round in desperation and spotting the other lead sat on the floor a short distance away with their bag open and their kit spread around on the floor in front of them yelling, “Give me a moment! I just need to test and probably put on a temp basal rate!”

Yeah. I somehow have this feeling that it wouldn’t work out well.

But maybe a romance novel or a drama with a diabetic. I personally think it could work.

****Hint, hint, anyone reading this…..!****