It’s just been one of those days.
And I just want to cry.
It’s the type of day that you don’t have any particularly mega high bloods or particularly nasty lows. Just the type of day that you just want to give up.
The monotony of the condition of having do another test, needing to do another set change, think about it all again has got me down today. I really don’t want to do any of it (a lot more than usual).
I can’t get it out of my head that it’s going to be like this forever. It will always be monotonous (and yet unpredictable and dangerous too). I have to do the same things day in, day out just to try alive and it will never EVER change.
It probably doesn’t help that I did a bad sensor change yesterday with it painful and bleeding, plus I forgot to take my test kit out and about this morning and I forgot to give insulin a lot today. But those are all really little things, so I shouldn’t be feeling like this, there hasn’t been a trigger.
I’m sorry that it’s another negative post, but diabetes isn’t always positive and I can’t bring myself to write a cheerful post when I’m feeling like this. I also don’t think I want to talk to anyone because I don’t want help. I’ll be okay, it’s just a random rough patch.
It’s stupid because I’m staying with my grandma at the moment who is being so amazingly strong and resilient with her current medical issue, so how can I be so weak when she’s being so strong? I’m usually so much better than this, so much stronger mentally because I’m amazing at kicking diabetes’ butt usually. But today I don’t have the energy to even try.
I don’t want to have to change my set every 3 days.
I don’t want to test my blood sugars 10 times a day and definitely not more than that.
I don’t want to think like an organ 24/7.
I don’t want to be diabetic.
I can’t do this anymore.
*Update – I planned and wrote this in a bad 5 minutes earlier so it is a little worse than I really feel, but I think it’s important for people to understand so I’m posting it anyway.
*I’m not looking for pity, I just needed an outlet so I chose my blog.
*I have now finished the day on an 18.9 as a result of all this. Yay.