(I know it’s another blog post in a such a short space of time but it’s one of those things that is circumstantial!)
One of the issues I find with having kinda complex medical problems, I don’t know if anyone else finds this, is if I have another problem (especially if it is completely unrelated), I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to people to be all “Well. She’s got another problem. Ugh.”
For instance at the beginning of the week I started losing my voice, then a day or two later I got a cough and a slight cold plus I’ve had a slight temperature a couple of times. And now in the last day or so I’ve started to struggle breathing – it started with laughing made me cough and now it’s like I can’t can’t get enough air in my lungs all the time. But the thing with not wanting to burden people with it is I don’t know if I’m being over dramatic in my head – it’s just a bad cold! – or whether I’m being under dramatic – is it really serious? Should I go and see a doctor and ask for antibiotics? Because I don’t talk about it, I just don’t know.
Another thing with normal medical problems and illness is for literally EVERYTHING, websites, a lot of doctors and just people in general all go – “Ahhhhh!!! You’re type 1 diabetic? You had a pancreatectomy?! You must be admitted to hospital for your sore throat!!!” Which I know it might me true but it just makes the whole, “I feel ill” and speaking up thing worse because I don’t want to then say, “should I be concerned about the diabetes too?”.
I just don’t want to be the girl that has a gazillion medical problems and is a hyperchondriac on top of that and just can’t get enough of the attention that being ill and problematic gets her. Because that is definitely not me. I don’t even want that to cross people’s mind’s.
So. I never know what to do. It’s a little more easy when you’ve injured yourself because you can’t hide not being able to put weight on your now stripey ankle, but illness is not as apparent. I just don’t like announcing it, I actually have to build up courage and psych myself up to say “I don’t feel well” and if someone goes, “Meh” or “Yeah, what about it?” I cannot repeat it or explain if it is a ‘bad’ I’m feeling ill.
~ I would like to add that when I typed ‘pancreatectomy’ my phone went “NOPE”. “Pancreas texting”. …..As if it had just gone – “Yo, I’m bord, wanna have sum more insulin? Ya’know what? Imma leave u 2 it instead! C ya L8r!”. Please.